Someone shit on the floor
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
