Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
