very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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