Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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