The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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