Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
