I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
