I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
