In the future we'll all be gay
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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