I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
