I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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