Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
