We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The ass gains better be worth it
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