it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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