So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
