you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
