im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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