One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
