are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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