I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
