So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
