Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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