I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
