I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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