This is not my ceiling
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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