My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
