Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
