You smell like stripper and shame
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
