also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
