We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's blow job season.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
