the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
