were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We left the knife in your bed.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
