and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
