u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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