areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Still dying that you shit outside
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
