That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
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