Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
