Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
