For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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