No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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