I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We have so much sex to catch up on
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
