Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
