literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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