we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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