So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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