Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
