I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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