she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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