Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
