Sry I called you an 8
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
