So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
