I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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