This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
