i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
