if i can run in heels then i can drive
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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