I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
