The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
