I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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