Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
