it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
