I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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