I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
How does one acquire holy water?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
